Eragon: Chapter Twenty-One: Daret (Part II)

[pangolin20]

Chapter Twenty-One (Part I) | Chapter Twenty-Two (Part I)

Fumurti: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to Eragon! Last time, our company reached Daret, and managed to reprovision with some trouble. Now for the reader post:

 

On part I of chapter 16, Chessy notes that the problems with writing Saphira out could already be fixed by having them stay away from towns and roads. She also leaves a fic.

Wolfgoddess notes that Zar’roc would certainly be “better than a club” for Eragon, because it’s quite sharp. Also, a club would still be useful for Eragon, so I think Paolini shot wrong here.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 68

She further notes that Eragon’s “I’ll come back when it’s safe” thought probably means “I’ll come back when I won’t endanger Carvahall by doing so”. Yeah, that makes sense.

On part II of that chapter, Wolfgoddess points out that it’s quite unlikely for Eragon to catch the stick Brom throws at him.

She also notes that Brom throwing cold water over him in the middle of winter might well give him pneumonia or the like. I hadn’t even thought about that, but obviously this is quite bad, too.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 14

Chessy points out that the use of wooden training swords isn’t a problem. I agree… except that Brom begins with a full-on fight, so why not start with the actual swords immediately? There’s probably a reason for it, but it doesn’t fit well with his impatience, and it just feels a bit too well-thought out for Brom.

She further gives an explanation for why the abuse scene is supposed to be “funny”; it’s because Eragon thought he could defeat Brom and got beaten instead. Abuse aside, that would work better with some build-up (which Paolini does manage to do in Inheritance).

She also notes that Therinsford not having a particular pattern to its streets means it’s grown organically.

Finally, she leaves another fic.

Also, while replying, I came up with a hypothesis for why Todd might be there: “Maybe the usual toll collector was sick, and they put up Todd instead, and hoped he wouldn't be too much trouble?”

Tris leaves a very nice fic (seriously, it’s very satisfying).

On part I of this chapter, Epistler notes that Eragon and Brom might well have sought for provisions in Yazuac. They really should have at least considered it.

Outside of that, she notes that the whole scene with Daret is clearly ripped off from a western. That explains the dust devils, and the entire set-up. Originally, this would be a trap for unwary travellers (which is what Brom even says in the self-published edition), which fits very well with what we get. But Paolini wanted to make this a survival strategy, which just doesn’t work, as I’ve exhaustively detailed in the previous part. (This is why you don’t just drop elements from other works into your own wholesale, even if it isn’t a problem in another way: they’ll be quite incoherent.)

She also notes that Trevor (the “swarthy” man) would then be based on a “Mexican bandito type”, so…

FYRP: 61

And, naturally, he shouldn’t be able to “hop” over a wagon.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 69

Thinking this over further… that also explains Trevor’s mention of “bandits”, which makes more sense in a western than here. Further, with this being transplanted from a western, this furthers Paolini inadvertently writing the Urgals as Native American stand-ins. That’s the feeling I get, at least, from them supposedly having been here before the humans, and being oppressed by humans. It doesn’t get better when Paolini decides, from Brisingr onward, to put that in deliberately.

So now we have the Native American stand-ins slaughtering Yazuac supposedly just because, and Trevor fears that the same might happen to Daret. You really didn’t think about this, Paolini.

FYRP: 71 (+10)

 

Either way, let me go on with the rest of the chapter, then!

 

Brom just left off giving Eragon tips on whose minds best to listen to. Eragon “twist[s] Cadoc’s reins in his hands”, thinking through what Brom said. He realises that, if he can get into someone’s mind, others can do the same to him. He asks how he knows if that’s the case, and if there’s a way to stop it. He asks himself how he knows if Brom can “tell what [he’s] thinking right now”. (I honestly wouldn’t find that all that out there.) Either way, good to see Eragon come up with this!

Brom says there is, and asks if Saphira has ever “blocked [him] from her mind”. Eragon says she did “[o]ccassionally”. When she carried him off into the Spine, he could not talk with her at all. It was not that “she was ignoring [him]”, because he doesn’t think she could even hear him. There were “walls around his mind” he couldn’t get through. That’s an accurate description, and I like that Eragon doesn’t blame Saphira for it, too. Now if he’d admit he was wrong in trying to break in…

Brom then pulls on his bandage a bit. So his wound still needs to be bandaged after nearly two weeks? I like it, though I wonder why this wound doesn’t heal within a few days. Brom then gets to explaining. He says “[o]nly a few people” can tell if someone’s in their mind, and of those people, “only a handful” could block anyone. It’s a matter of “training and of how you think”. Because of Eragon’s “magical power”, he’ll always know if someone’s in his mind. Once you know that, blocking the invader is a “simple matter” of only concentrating on a single thing. If you only think about a brick wall, for example, “that’s all the enemy will find in your mind”. It takes “a huge amount of energy and discipline” to keep it up “for any length of time”, however. If you’re distracted by any thing whatsoever, your concentration will waver and the opponent will come in.

Let me discuss.

a) I doubt that only a few people “can tell if someone is in their mind”. As we’ll see, going into someone’s mind tends to be rather invasive in a way that’s hard to ignore.

b) Further, while there’d probably indeed be “only a handful” (which would translate to thousands on Alagaësia’s level) of people trained in blocking… I think quite some untrained people could delay or even block the attacker, depending on the situation.

c) What does he mean by “magical power”? Does he mean that… mages just know when someone’s in their mind, because they’re mages? We’ll never hear of that again.

d) The tactic Brom describes can’t be actually meant to keep someone out, since he mentions with the brick wall that it’s the only thing your enemy will find “in your mind”, which means that keeping the attacker out has failed. I think it works much better as a way to keep the attacker from learning anything of value from you once they’re in your mind.

e) I also find it a little weird that Brom says that the defender needs to watch out for distractions (fair), but doesn’t mention anything about the attacker. Wouldn’t they have trouble attacking if they were distracted, too? (And wouldn’t that be the natural thing for the defender to do?)

f) But, assuming that the attacker is indeed immune to distraction, why shouldn’t the defender go on the attack themself, then? They wouldn’t even need to be able to feel others’ minds, as the attacker is touching minds. That would certainly disrupt the attack and make it quite more balanced. And yes, this tactic will be discussed in about ten chapters… but I just find it weird we don’t get it here.

PPP: 818 (+3)

Eragon wants to know how he can learn to block people. Brom says there is only way to do it: “practice, practice and yet more practice”. Wow, very helpful. Eragon should picture something in his mind and keep it there, “to the exclusion of all else”, as long as he can. It’s a “very advanced ability”, and only a few master it. (You already said that.) And that’s all you’re going to do, Brom? You won’t even bother to test his defences, or let him recognise what someone trying to enter your mind feels like?? Yes, it would probably go horribly wrong, but he should try to train Eragon in this!

Eragon says he doesn’t need perfection, “just safety”. Then he wonders if, when he can get into someone’s mind, he can change how they think. And then he decides that every time he learns about magic, “[he] grow[s] more wary of it”. I don’t think those thoughts go together well… (Also, Eragon, you sound a bit like one of the anti-magic crowd.)

HISC: Well, in the self-published edition, he thinks “That would be an awesome power, but not one I want to use.” I think this flows a bit better.

Fumurti: Yeah, it does indeed (and it makes it clearer that he doesn’t want to change what anyone thinks).

PPP: 819

And that was the “mind-reading” bit! We cut to when they reach Saphira. She startles them by “thrusting her head at them”, which makes Cadoc and Snowfire “backstep[] nervously”. It begins… Saphira looks Eragon over and gives “a low hiss”. Here eyes are “flinty”. Eragon looks concernedly at Brom, since he has never seen Saphira this angry (oh, not even when she went to take you back to Garrow’s farm?) and asks what’s wrong. Saphira growls that Eragon is the problem.

Eragon frowns at that and gets off Cadoc. As soon as he touches the ground, “Saphira [sweeps] his legs out from under him with her tail and pin[s] him with her talons”. I… don’t quite think her tail is long enough for this.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 70

So, let’s see. She just knocked him to the ground (which must have hurt), heedless of how he might land. For all she knows, he might get another concussion. Then she traps him, in such a way that she can severely hurt him whenever she wants. I don’t care what she wants to say; she clearly wants to have him completely at her mercy, and she’ll only listen to what she wants to hear. What a “loving partnership” these two have! (And how much I hate Saphira for this.)

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 15

Eragon wants to know what she’s doing, while he struggles to get up. Saphira is too strong for him, however. Brom… just “watche[s] attentively” from Snowfire. And what if Saphira decides to murder Eragon now, Brom? Will you also stay there? This is his son, who he is supposed to love very much, and he is just mildly interested in Saphira attacking Eragon? I’m… I wouldn’t even have predicted this if I didn’t know already.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 16

Saphira then stares Eragon straight in the eyes, until he squirms. Ah, there we have intimidation; very nice. She then goes to rant, saying that he “get[s] into trouble” every time he leaves her sight. Oh, does he now? He got into trouble when Brom accosted him, in Yazuac, and in Daret. That is three times of at least nineteen, so that is a gross exaggeration.

She says he’s like a “new hatchling, sticking [his] nose into everything”, and she asks what happens when he puts it into something that “bites back” and how he’ll survive then. Saphira, he has come into trouble by “sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong” once so far, when he went to spy on the Ra’zac. That also had no further impact on happenings. Let me review the trouble he’s been through since then:

 

1: He got the skin scraped off his legs and was carried to the Spine by Saphira. That was because he wanted Saphira not to reveal herself to Garrow for some reason, not because he was nosy.

 

2: He got accosted by Brom and had to explain what he was doing. This was because Brom wanted to do so.

 

3: Brom beat him half to death during a training session. This was because Brom wanted to.

 

4: Eragon got into trouble with the Urgals in Yazuac. This was because he didn’t look out for Urgals on the way out and because he didn’t know the street plan.

 

5: Eragon got into trouble with Daret. That was because Brom led him into it and because the villagers somehow think setting a trap from a western is an effective defence.

 

Notably, none of this involves Eragon prying too deeply! If anything, it involves him being too incurious to question Brom! So her complaint makes no sense, and I get the feeling she’s just saying this to have an accusation. (Also, things have “bitten back” plenty by now. He nearly died several times, Saphira!)

 

HISC: In the self-published edition, Saphira follows that line by saying that he was lucky in Yazuac, as well as in Daret, but what about the next town? Oh, I did not think Eragon got “lucky” in Yazuac, per se. Yes, it was lucky that he found magic, but I do not know it is quite what Saphira means. In Daret, he did not get “lucky” at all; he rather got away because Brom talked it out.

 

She further says that it might be “five or ten Urgals” at the next town. How will he survive then? Well, Saphira, it might as well not be. You really do not care what you say, as long as it makes Eragon look foolish, now do you?

 

Fumurti: It seems not. She goes on to say she can’t help when she’s miles away (and Brom’s nothing, then? I mean, he is, but Saphira doesn’t seem to recognise that). She says she stayed hidden she she won’t be seen, but “no longer”, not when it may cost Eragon his life. I… can actually appreciate this sentiment. He has been through some trouble, and I can see why she’d want to stay around him. It doesn’t fit well with her anger when they left Daret, though, which seemed to me more like “I’m left out yet again”. And here… it seems like she’s just come up with the idea of staying close to Eragon, so it just doesn’t fit well. This also doesn’t seem to be what she’s actually upset about, so it’s not very coherent.

 

Eragon says this:

 

I can understand why you’re upset, said Eragon, but I’m much older than you and can take care of myself. If anything, you’re the one who needs to be protected.

Age has nothing to do with it, Eragon. You clearly know that Saphira is about as old as you now qua development. And what would you protect Saphira from, then? Do you also really think such a condescending thing is in any way appropriate to say? It will only make Saphira unwilling to let you go, I’d think, and make me hate you more.

 

Saphira “snarl[s] loudly”, snaps her jaws near his ear and asks if he actually believes that, which seems like a quite proper reaction to me. Then we get this from here:

 

Tomorrow you will ride me—not that pitiful deer-animal that you call a horse—or else I will carry you in my claws. Are you a Dragon Rider or not? Don’t you care for me?

So this is apparently what she is so angry about: that Eragon won’t ride her. So, instead of addressing this on any of the nineteen days since she said it previously, she doesn’t tell him at all and now traps him and poses an ultimatum. This is the worst way she could have gone about it.

Looking at what she says… she threatens to abduct him if he doesn’t want to come along, and she accuses him of not caring for her since he doesn’t ride her (so, emotional abuse). She also notably has the power to back her threat up. This is absolutely a serious situation!

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 18 (+2)

I’d really like for Eragon to tell her that he won’t let her abduct him, that not riding her has nothing to do with loving her, and that she should back off now, or he won’t go with her any more. And if she was being difficult, I’d love to see Brom make her back off. She truly could stand to be shown that this is very much not right.

Like, she obviously doesn’t care for Eragon, given that she has no qualms about harming him, ignoring his wants, and just abusing him to get what she wants from him. She’s genuinely worse than Eragon, and no one will tell her it’s wrong.

(I’ve also noticed the remark about Cadoc. How classy of you, Saphira. Also, horses are far from “pitiful” in any sense, and you should know that.)

HISC: In the self-published edition, she adds that he let Brom ride her and only flew with her “when the Ra’zac were in Palancar”. Well, if you did not want Brom to ride you, you should have refused! Eragon could not have divined that you wanted him to protest!

Fumurti: Well, Saphira’s question “burn[s] in him”, and he looks away. He “[knows] she is right, but he [is] scared of riding her”. Oh, with the self-published edition, that makes sense, given that she is right about him letting Brom ride her and only flying with her in Palancar Valley. Since that bit’s been cut out of the current edition, it points to nothing, and it’s nonsensical.

PPP: 819

I also note this his first reaction to Saphira’s abuse is shame, which implies that she is justified in saying what she does. But she isn’t! Yes, he certainly should have told Saphira that he’s scared of riding her, but not riding her doesn’t mean he’s unworthy of being a Rider, or that he doesn’t care about her! He might rightly feel ashamed for not talking to her about this, but the clear implication is that he rightly should feel ashamed for not riding her, and that’s completely untrue.

For the Good of the Cause: 17

Eragon further says that their flights have been “the most painful ordeal he [has] ever endured”. And if you want him to fly again, you’ll need to let him see bit by bit that it doesn’t have to be painful, instead of forcing him to go either way. You’d best hope this flight goes well, or else he might decide to never fly with you again.

 

Brom then does this: “Well?” demanded Brom. You see that Eragon’s trapped by Saphira, and you’re impatient for a resolution? You think they’re taking too long? You clearly don’t care about Eragon, I’m sorry to say. Eragon says Saphira wants him to ride her tomorrow. He notably doesn’t say anything about Saphira threatening to abduct him; I guess Saphira just can’t be held accountable for what she does wrong.

 

Brom thinks it over with “twinkling eyes” (because this is really the occasion for that; it’s really not “funny” in any way). He says Eragon has the saddle, and he doesn’t think it’s a problem as long as they “stay out of sight”. Ah, it’s good to see Brom insist on hiding even when there’s no one around; at least that idiocy always keeps the same. Saphira looks at him, and then back at Eragon.

 

Eragon asks what will happen if Brom’s attacked, or if there’s an accident. He won’t be able to get there in time and— Well, I think Brom could communicate mentally and let him know if anything goes wrong. So naturally he doesn’t discuss this with Eragon until he tries to contact him. Then this happens:

 

Saphira pressed harder on his chest, stopping his words. Exactly my point, little one.

Um, I don’t think that was your point? Yes, it was what you complained about earlier, and it’s a valid complaint, but how is this “your point” after you went off on Eragon for not flying on you just now?

 

This is further very threatening. She already has him trapped here, and now she pushes on his chest, which she might well kill him with if she pushes even harder. This is also in reaction to… Eragon formulating just what she wanted to say. So why is she threatening to hurt him if she likes what he has to say? I don’t get it, but she shouldn’t do it either way.

 

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 19

Finally, she also calls him “little one” again, which… this scene does nothing to make me like more, especially since Saphira is using her size to keep Eragon captive.

Well, Brom “seem[s] to hide a smile” at this, because Saphira threatening to harm Eragon is apparently something to smile about. You do understand that Eragon won’t be around any more when he’s dead, Brom? So I’d expect him to intervene in case Eragon’s at risk of dying, at the very least.

He says it’s “worth the risk”, and Eragon needs to learn how to ride Saphira either way. He offers another way of thinking about it: if they fly ahead and look at the ground, they’ll be capable of spotting “any traps, ambushes, or other unwelcome surprises”. Aren’t they all travelling along a wooded river now? Neither Eragon or Saphira can spot everything from above, then, and anyone who wants to set a trap or ambush would take advantage of that. (Note, too, that he actually uses persuasion. He’s better than Saphira at convincing Eragon, and that’s really sad.)

HISC: In the self-published edition, Eragon “complain[s]” about how he will tell Brom about a trap. By the time he sees it, it might be too late. Brom “crosse[s] his arms and stare[s] at him with an exasperated expression”. Eragon gets ashamed and realises what it should be. Brom just “[shakes] his head and continue[s] down the trail”. I frankly do not have words for how much I hate this.

Fumurti: This edition thankfully deletes that. Eragon instead agrees to do it, and asks to be let up. He also uses “okay”.

Forgot the Narrator Speaker: 49

Saphira insists on his word (which she once again can make him give). Eragon asks if it is truly necessary, Saphira just blinks, and Eragon gives in and says he gives his word he’ll fly with her tomorrow. He asks if she’s satisfied. She says she’s “content” and finally lets him go. And she managed to wring a definite promise out of him. Great.

 

She takes off, and as Eragon sees her fly, a “small shiver [runs] through him”. “Grumbling”, he goes back to Cadoc and follows Brom. …Who never left in this edition, so well done.

 

PPP: 820

I also really don’t like “grumbling” here. After all, he’s got every right to be angry about this, as Saphira assaulted him and forced him to cave to her demands. Further, note that he’s somewhat afraid of her now, as he shivers when he sees her flying. Despite this, it clearly isn’t framed like that: Brom, the person who we’re supposed to trust, finds this funny; Eragon doesn’t seem too bothered; and now we have him “grumbling” about it. I don’t know what Paolini was trying for, but the way he wrote it, it fits together very awkwardly.

…And I think I just realised what this was supposed to be: Saphira calling him out for getting into trouble and “neglecting” her, and that’s funny because it’s his “come-uppance”. That… would still attract many of my complaints, but at least it would rely on what Paolini wrote, instead of what he thinks he wrote.

HISC: Oh, Eragon mentions in the self-published edition that he had felt safer when “she could not talk and he was larger than she”. Now she acts like he is the one that needs to be taken care of. This sounds to me unfortunately like he is unhappy he cannot abuse her with impunity any more… Well, there is more evidence that he is afraid of her, too.

We are then told they make camp when it is “nearly sundown”. The evening is “peaceful”, as even the birds in the trees are quiet. (That sounds rather like there is something not entirely “peaceful” going on.) The plains stretch out to both sides of the Ninor, and Eragon is glad he does not have to see much of them through the trees. He did not have a problem with this when they were going to Yazuac, so why now?

Fumurti: This edition just has them camp at sundown. Eragon duels with Brom, “as usual”. During their fight, Eragon strikes so heavily that “he snap[s] both of their sticks like twigs”. The pieces fly away “in a cloud of splintered fragments”. I guess they’d already been using these sticks for some while, then, or that these were quite fragile?

Brom throws the remains of his into the fire and says they are “done with these”, and Eragon should throw his in, too. Eragon has learned well, but they’ve gone as far as they can with “branches”, and there’s nothing more Eragon can gain from it. It’s time to use “the blade”.

Um, Brom, are you basing this on Eragon breaking both of the sticks? How does that mean Eragon can’t learn anything more from it? I think that should be a matter of skill, and Brom doesn’t cite any. It frankly comes across like “striking hard enough to break your opponents sword if it was a wooden stick” is something Brom considers proof that Eragon’s passed some kind of level of proficiency, and it just doesn’t make sense. Like, he’s only been training for eighteen days; at the least he could learn to practice the techniques he knows better!

(Also… Brom should really teach him that you don’t hit your swords together when you’re swordfighting, but he naturally doesn’t.)

He get Zar’roc from “Eragon’s bag” and gives it to him. Eragon protests that they’ll “cut each other to ribbons”. Or you could just focus on technique instead of hitting each other, Eragon.

HISC: In the self-published edition, Eragon thinks that Brom will surely not have them fight with “real swords”. Eragon, you kind of need to if you want to now how to fight with swords.

Fumurti: Brom says that’s not true, and again Eragon forgets magic. Will you not rag on him like this? Also, I’m quite sure that “again” refers to Eragon forgetting about mental communication in the deleted bit, so…

PPP: 821

So Brom holds up his sword, puts “a finger on either side of the blade”, and concentrates intensely. For a moment nothing happens, and then he says “Gëuloth du knífr!” and a “small red spark” appears between his fingers. Let’s consult the glossary… This means “Dull the knife!”, it says. (Eldest backs me up in this, too.) So Brom is now magically dulling the sword, which is a smart solution. I do want to note that he explicitly calls the sword a “knife”, and gets magic out of it. That’s a nice demonstration of what he told us earlier, too.

Brom runs his fingers, with the spark, down the sword (not sure why he uses a spark to dull a sword, but okay). When he’s done, he “twirl[s]” the sword and does the other side. Once he lets go, the spark disappears. Brom then holds out his hand and slashes the palm with his sword, which nearly gives Eragon a heart attack. Brom then smiles and holds up “his unharmed hand”. I… normally wouldn’t mind this, but given how Brom has been, I really don’t like this.

Eragon asks what Brom did. Brom tells him to feel the edge. Eragon does, and feels an “invisible surface”, which is “about a quarter inch wide and very slippery” (for metric readers, some 6,4 millimetres). Brom tells him to do the same for Zar’roc. Eragon’s “block” will be somewhat different from his, but it should do the same. So he tells Eragon how to speak the phrase and gets him through the process. After a few tries, Eragon succeeds.

Eragon takes up his “fighting stance”. Brom says that their swords will not cut now, but they “can still break bones”. He’d rather not have that, so Eragon shouldn’t “flail around like [he] normally [does]”. A blow to the neck might be fatal. Oh, does Eragon “flail around” now? We have never heard of that before now, so this really comes across as Brom belittling Eragon once again. Also, if you need to say this, it’s certainly not time to use real swords!

Eragon nods and immediately attacks. Brom parries, and with that, “[s]parks fly off [Zar’roc]”, and there is the clash of metal. So… I guess Brom didn’t strike edge-on-edge. That tracks. What doesn’t track is that “sparks fly off Zar’roc”. First, if Brom doesn’t strike with the edge, I’m quite certain he couldn’t get sparks from Zar’roc. Second, Zar’roc’s been enchanted not to have this happen. At least, if there are sparks coming from the sword, that means that tiny bits of metal are chipping off, and I am quite sure the person who made this wouldn’t stand for such low quality.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 71 (I get the feeling Paolini didn’t know what makes sparks)

Eragon notes Zar’roc feels “slow and heavy” after he’s fought with sticks “for so long”. So… maybe it would have been a good idea to devote the rest of the lesson to getting Eragon used to Zar’roc? Eragon does need time to adapt, after all. Well, Eragon isn’t able to move Zar’roc fast enough, so Brom hits him on the knee. By the time they’re done, they both have “large welts”, Eragon more than Brom. This still seems like a bad idea to me.

Eragon marvels at Zar’roc not being “scratched or dented” by the “vigorous pounding” it’s had, which just makes me wonder why they’re beating their swords together.

HISC: The self-published edition further says that Brom shows him how to remove the block.

Fumurti: And here the chapter ends, with Eragon looking at Zar’roc. Well, that’s certainly a way to do it.

Mid-Scene Break: 2

So, what did I think of this chapter? I think it’s honestly one of the better ones so far. There certainly are some bad points, Saphira assaulting Eragon the worst of them, but outside of that, it’s serviceable. I’d say that’s mostly because the story has settled into a nice structure: Eragon, Brom, and Saphira are travelling, learning things, and occasionally having trouble. It’s something I could read a whole book of, and this chapter uses it quite well (the exposition about mental powers isn’t overly long, for example).

Join me next time, then, as Eragon goes to fly with Saphira. Until then!