BattleAxe First Read: Chapters Four and Five

[pangolin20]

Chapter Three (Part II) | Table of Contents | Chapter Nine

NRSG: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to BattleAxe! Last time… we saw Axis have a nightmare, and that was about it. Well, let us see what happens now!

 

Chapter Four: At the Foot of the Fortress Ranges

We open on two women sitting “closely together in the cold air”, “woollen wraps” tight about their shoulders, who are watching the sky begin to lighten over the Fortress Ranges. They have been talking for most of the night, and they both know that they soon have to break up, so the younger woman “[can] be back in her bed undiscovered by dawn.” Already this is more interesting than Axis in Carlon.

We get a description of the older woman. She has “fine features”, and such “thick and wavy hair” that it almost breaks free from its coil. From the “widow’s peak on her forehead” a “startling swathe of gold, two-fingers wide, [runs] back through her silvery hair.” Distinctive. (I did have to look up what a “widow’s peak” is, though.) She smiles gently to the other woman, “who [has] risked a lot to meet her here tonight.” She says the other woman is “very generous” to offer to help them.

The younger woman says her companion still does not trust her. We are then told the older woman’s eyes are “as sooty-grey as the smoke from a damp wood fire”, and hold as many sparks. Yes, thank you for that comparison, Douglass. She says that the younger woman surely understands the reasons for that.

The young woman sighs and rubs her arms. She says she does, and asks what she can do to make the other trust her. The older woman says that trust cannot be bought, and it takes time. The young woman says they do not have time. The older woman pauses and names the young woman as “Azhure”. Yes, it is spelled A-Z-H-U-R-E, with an extra “H”.

A Better Commando Name: 18

Just “Azure” would have been considerably better, though still out of place. Anyway, the older woman says they have never had enough time, nor space, nor respect. And though they need the help of “people like you”, they must remain wary.

Azhure is disappointed at this, and waves towards “the distant village”. She says that “[t]hey hate anything they do not understand. It is they Way of the Plough.” Ah, so we are presumably at Smeartown, the older woman is presumably one of the Forbidden, and Azhure wants to help them out. So why could we not have this as our primary storyline?

The older woman puts a hand on Azhure’s arm and says sadly that she knows. Azhure names the other woman as “GoldFeather”. She says that GoldFeather must trust her, as she “desperately need[s] help with the children.” Ah, that explains the rumours about people running with children, though I do not remember what they are trying to do here…

GoldFeather shakes her head, “resigned”. She says it is too late, and then we get this:

The only one that can save us from the Destroyer is lost and cannot be found. The Sentinels do not yet walk the land and Tree Friend has yet to be found. Soon winter comes. Ice will come to claim us. Tencendor cannot fight divided.”

 

This does not sound like GoldFeather’s previous dialogue at all, and it feels more to me like Douglass talking through her. That aside, here there are even more exciting new terms. We have the Sentinels, the Tree Friend (which is two words for some reason), and there is another mention of Tencendor. And winter is coming, too!

 

The problem with this is that all of this, of itself, does not give much tension or mystery, especially since we have absolutely no indication that our plot is going there yet. And we can also not guess yet who, for example, Tree Friend can be, as we have no clue yet.

 

This Is What the Mystery: 49 (one for each claim Rivkah makes)

 

It just feels like she wanted to throw in mystery for the sake of mystery, and it does not work very well.

 

Anyway, GoldFeather’s eyes “glitter[] with tears” as she tells Azhure to go home. She tells her to “[s]ing well and fly high”, and wishes that she may find some peace “in this most treeless of lands.” Then she kisses Azhure on the cheek. End chapter.

 

Well, that was considerably better than what came before. A pity we will have to wait until chapter 31 before we see Azhure again. It feels like a teaser to me, a short peek to show us what lies ahead, and it is quite out of place here.

 

Also:

 

Distinct POV’s: 12

 

Let me go on with chapter 5, then.

 

Chapter Five: In the Palace of the King

 

We resume where we left off with chapter 3: Axis lying in bed. After Embeth leaves, he lies for an hour, and then gets up when dawn nears. That means it is now the 6^th of September. He still feels exhausted, as he only got “an hour of two of sleep” before the nightmare, and he needs eight to nine. He splashes himself with cold water and dresses himself in the dark, “not bothering to light a candle.” He fears what Jayme might tell him.

 

Scene break. Axis goes into Jayme’s rooms, and finds him already up and praying. Jayme kneels at the alter in his room, and prays before “an exquisite silver and gold icon of Artor the Ploughman.” Axis kneels beside him and goes to pray, hoping to find some peace of mind. But prayers fail to comfort him after his nightmare, and soon he thinks about managing the “four thousand men” of the Axe-Wielders.

 

Some time later, Axis realises that Jayme stands next to him with a hand on his shoulder. He sighs internally, as he says that distracted him from “the logistics needed to move six cohorts of Axe-Wielders from Nordmuth to Carlon.” Well, at least we did not have to see that.

 

Jayme says that Axis should not pray so devoutly, because it would not be good if the BattleAxe would be said to be more devout than the Brother-Leader. Axis smiles and grips Jayme’s hand, saying that he finds comfort in prayer, but no one “serves Artor more reverently and faithfully than [Jayme].”

 

They get up and embrace, “Jayme touching Axis’ forehead briefly in blessing.” He says he has at least managed to impress someone, and invites Axis to breakfast. We are told he has arranged it at a window that overlooks the streets of Carlon.

 

The sun is just rising and, “although thick snow clouds blanket[] much of the sky”, some rays are reflected off the rooftops. Jayme looks at the view, and at pennants and banners “snap[ping] in the stiff breeze.” The fruit trees have lost their leaves “weeks earlier”. Axis notes that Jayme looks older and he wonders “how haggard he look[s] himself.”

 

They sit down, and Jayme says that Axis must have heard about what his happening in the north. Axis says he heard mostly rumour. Jayme says that much of what Axis heard is probably truth, and the others will give details, but he will tell Axis what he knows.

 

Fine, but we already know! Why do we need to see Jayme tell it to Axis? Could we not have deleted the first chapter entirely, and be with Axis as Jayme explains it to him here?

 

Over the next twenty minutes, Jayme explains, while “[Axis’s] chewing be[comes] slower with each passing minute”. That is a nice way to show how this affects Axis. Jayme finishes by asking Axis if his troops are ready “to face unbodied wraiths that can kill the most experienced soldier”. Never mind that this would be more impactful if we heard this for the first time…

 

Axis says that he is horrified by this, because Magariz is “an exceptional commander”, and his troops at Gorkenfort are so good, so that means that everything is very, very serious. He asks if the events of last winter could be isolated, Jayme says that the Forbidden are starting to move south, so last winter they were only probing, as Axis says, and this winter they will come in force.

 

Jayme “nod[s]” yes, and he answers with a large paragraph. Let me see…

 

1)      He thinks so, and Priam and Borneheld too, and they have been very jumpy the last few weeks.

2)      Borneheld went to Gorkenfort during summer to see for himself, and now he is transporting “infantrymen and cavalry” north. So “for the past ten days” the main traffic on the Nordra has been those people instead of grain.

3)      The mood is not good at Gorkentown, nor at Carlon. After all, the drunken revelry this night was less than usual, and men rather went to their wives instead of “[taking] advantage of other, um, offers.”

4)      Over the past week there have been more marriages than usual, as the soldiers moving north want to have their affairs in order.

 

Axis asks if Priam and Borneheld will ask for help, and Jayme says they will have to if it is the Forbidden they face. He says he is glad Axis returned so quickly, as he thinks Axis will be needed in the next months.

 

They look each other in the eyes, and then look out of the window. Axis says he was first puzzled by Jayme’s insistence to have breakfast here, but now he realises it is because Jayme wanted him to have a look at the weather. “DeadLeaf-month was too early by eight weeks for heavy snowclouds.” End chapter.

 

Well, that was awful. We already knew all of this! This was already explained, and yet, Douglass finds it necessary to explain it again! And she also seems to think that we can not reason that snowclouds in September is a bad thing, so we have to see it twice. Nothing of this adds anything!

 

I just hope next chapter will be slightly better on this front…

 

 

 

 

Comments

[epistler]

From the “widow’s peak on her forehead”

Paging the Redundant Department of Redundancy, where the fuck ELSE would a widow's peak be but on the person's forehead?!

We are then told the older woman’s eyes are “as sooty-grey as the smoke from a damp wood fire”

Wait, so she and Azhure BOTH have "smoky" coloured eyes? Why?

Just “Azure” would have been considerably better, though still out of place.

And why name her after a shade of blue anyway?

So why could we not have this as our primary storyline?

Because then this "feminist" story would centre around two women who are friends instead of toxic masculinity on legs?

Azhure names the other woman as “GoldFeather”

Fun fact: She was originally called MoonWalk but the publisher made her change it for some strange reason.

This does not sound like GoldFeather’s previous dialogue at all, and it feels more to me like Douglass talking through her.

That happens a lot in this trilogy. And I mean a lot

It just feels like she wanted to throw in mystery for the sake of mystery, and it does not work very well.

It doesn't help that Douglass has a really bad habit of giving herself away well before the Big Reveal, so that when the Big Reveal comes it's nothing but a "well duh".

Well, that was awful. We already knew all of this! This was already explained, and yet, Douglass finds it necessary to explain it again! And she also seems to think that we can not reason that snowclouds in September is a bad thing, so we have to see it twice. Nothing of this adds anything!

One of her other really bad habits is over-explaining things and treating her readers like idiots.

[pangolin20]

And why name her after a shade of blue anyway?

NRSG: I cannot help but be reminded of Newcomb, and how he loves the word "Azure". But indeed, it is one of the names that makes the least sense in this setting, along with "Axis", of course.

Because then this "feminist" story would centre around two women who are friends instead of toxic masculinity on legs?

And it might actually have some action!

Fun fact: She was originally called MoonWalk but the publisher made her change it for some strange reason.

I am very glad for that.

It doesn't help that Douglass has a really bad habit of giving herself away well before the Big Reveal, so that when the Big Reveal comes it's nothing but a "well duh".

As the prologue already did.

One of her other really bad habits is over-explaining things and treating her readers like idiots.

Yes, that is quite irritating.

[chessybell_90]

“[t]hey hate anything they do not understand. It is they Way of the Plough.”

Just going to note that the Catholic Church freely entertained the possibility of baptizing the dog-faced men of the Antipodes. (And for some reason medieval illustrators often depicted St. Christopher as being a dog-headed man.) I'm not going to pretend all Catholics have lived up to this, but 'made in the image of God' has always referred to having a soul, not being a member of a particular people or species.

Okay, are men just expected to be unfaithful? And this book is supposed to be feminist? I don't know about you, but I don't see what's so feminist about expecting men to cheat on their wives!

Okay, calming down...

I personally think the scene with the two women should have been much earlier in the book, before we met Axis, so that we see their fear before we know that their prophesied 'saviour' is a man grown. Otherwise you're spot-on.

[pangolin20]

Okay, are men just expected to be unfaithful? And this book is supposed to be feminist? I don't know about you, but I don't see what's so feminist about expecting men to cheat on their wives!

NRSG: Yeah, she truly does not seem invested in putting feminism in the worldbuilding. There is no reason she could not have done that.

I personally think the scene with the two women should have been much earlier in the book, before we met Axis, so that we see their fear before we know that their prophesied 'saviour' is a man grown. Otherwise you're spot-on.

Or just keep their story as the main one, and fill us in later on what Axis and co. were up to.

[littlecaity]

Azhure. AZHURE. Just... just call her Azura like Fire Emblem Fates did, Douglas, that at least sounds like a name a normal human being would use. Then again, Douglas seems to genuinely think 'Axis' is a good hero name so who even knows.

I just checked this book's score on Goodreads and it's 3.95. HOW. Did she do some review spamming or something?! The series is old enough that I can't imagine it getting any reviews, let alone just under 500! (And frankly from some of the ones I read I refuse to believe any of them were written by someone without ulterior motives. People with anime loli avatars do not read 1990s fantasy 'epics' that are only known for how bad they are.)

Axis is remarkably bad at getting going for someone who's in the military. No matter how ancient or modern the weaponry, soldiers need to be able to be up and moving in seconds after only five minutes of sleep. Emergencies care not for your eight to nine, sir, and any commander worth their salt would not only know it but live it. So much for the remarkable young commander making the AxeBoys stronger than ever!

And again the bizarre naming of the months takes a moment that could be quietly intimidating, the realisation that snows are coming two months early, and turns it into something ridiculous. If she could just pull her head out of her own ass and start using words that aren't bordering on ultraviolet, there is some actual potential here and there!

[pangolin20]

Azhure. AZHURE. Just... just call her Azura like Fire Emblem Fates did, Douglas, that at least sounds like a name a normal human being would use. Then again, Douglas seems to genuinely think 'Axis' is a good hero name so who even knows.

NRSG: Yes, her names are... not very good. I do think we have yet to see the worst of it.

Goodreads stuff

Thank you for checking that out!

I have not seen much of his actual commanding yet, but I doubt it well be very good...

And again the bizarre naming of the months takes a moment that could be quietly intimidating, the realisation that snows are coming two months early, and turns it into something ridiculous. If she could just pull her head out of her own ass and start using words that aren't bordering on ultraviolet, there is some actual potential here and there!

It would also help if she did not spend so much time reiterating things we already know, and if she stopped being so mysterious about everything. Let me see... I think the term I am looking for is "meta mystery" (https://mythcreants.com/blog/why-we-have-to-let-go-of-meta-mysteries/)! This book is a very good example of why that does not work.

[maegwin_of_hern]

This Is What the Mystery: 49 (one for each claim Rivkah makes)

Spoiler alert! So that's how I learned that GoldFeather was actually Rivkah. I knew she'd appear again, I just didn't know that she'd have a new name by then.

[pangolin20]

NRSG: Oops! As for the renaming... I do not remember how that happened, just that it was probably something to do with StarDrifter...

[maegwin_of_hern]

Changing her name after changing society doesn't sound like a bad idea. She's basically rebranding herself. Rivkah has officially been declared dead, so why not bury that past with a new identity?

[pangolin20]

NRSG: That is just the thing: I am not entirely sure if she chose that name herself.

[maegwin_of_hern]

Oh, now that's fucked up.

[wolfgoddess77]

- The older woman pauses and names the young woman as “Azhure”. Yes, it is spelled A-Z-H-U-R-E, with an extra “H”.

You know, I'm not even surprised that this author is one of those who takes normal names and insists on spelling them in wild ways.

- Ah, so we are presumably at Smeartown, the older woman is presumably one of the Forbidden, and Azhure wants to help them out. So why could we not have this as our primary storyline?

For real, though! I'm already more invested in this plot and it's only been a few paragraphs! I hate it when authors put in what could be amazing stories, only to ignore them in favor of horrible characters and boring plots.

- The only one that can save us from the Destroyer is lost and cannot be found.

Well...yeah. I mean, isn't that the definition of 'lost'?

- Axis says that he is horrified by this, because Magariz is “an exceptional commander”, and his troops at Gorkenfort are so good, so that means that everything is very, very serious.

I thought you already knew that things were very serious. Did you just conveniently forget?

- Well, that was awful. We already knew all of this! This was already explained, and yet, Douglass finds it necessary to explain it again! And she also seems to think that we can not reason that snowclouds in September is a bad thing, so we have to see it twice. Nothing of this adds anything!

If she's not infodumping pointless exposition all over the place, she's reiterating things we already know. Can someone tell her that's not how you write a story?

[pangolin20]

You know, I'm not even surprised that this author is one of those who takes normal names and insists on spelling them in wild ways.

NRSG: Me neither.

For real, though! I'm already more invested in this plot and it's only been a few paragraphs! I hate it when authors put in what could be amazing stories, only to ignore them in favor of horrible characters and boring plots.

We will come back to it eventually, and I think it will be quite important in the latter half of this book.

Well...yeah. I mean, isn't that the definition of 'lost'?

That is indeed quite redundant.

If she's not infodumping pointless exposition all over the place, she's reiterating things we already know. Can someone tell her that's not how you write a story?

If only...