BattleAxe First Read: Prologue (Part II)

[pangolin20]

Prologue (Part I) | Table of Contents | Chapter One (Part I)

NRSG: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to BattleAxe! Last time, we ended with Ameld deciding to do her best to survive. Will she be capable of that? You will see.

Content Warning: Pregnancy-Related Horror

Well, as soon as she has made this decision, “a strange whisper, barely discernible in the heightening storm, [runs] along the edge of the wind.” Oh no… She stops, “every nerve in her body afire”. She pushes hair from her eyes, and concentrates hard on any unusual sounds. Then we get this:

There. Again. A soft whisper along the wind… a soft whisper and a hiccup. Skraelings!

The hiccup ruins the mood Douglass was going for, unfortunately.

Tone Soap: 13

Also, I see that “Skraelings” was a Norse name for Native Americans. I am utterly baffled as to why Douglass thought this was an appropriate name to give to these creatures, because 1) giving the monster species in your setting this name is more than a little racist, 2) these beings do not even look like, or have any connection with Native Americans in any way, and 3) there already are Inuit expies in this setting, so why did they not get this name?

A Better Commando Name: 5

I am just so puzzled by this. And this well unfortunately be only the first of Douglass’ strange choices.

Ameld moans, “terror clenching her stomach”. Yes, she will not make this, unfortunately. After a moment, she begins fumbling on the straps that keep the wood tied to her back, “desperate to lose the burden.” She says that her only hope of survival lies in reaching the trees before the Skraelings do, as they do not like trees. But she cannot run at this point in her pregnancy, “[n]ot with this child.” And even if she does reach the trees, she will have lost the Timewood… If she would even survive the birth, I guess that she could leave her child behind and try to go back to the Avarinheim, but even then, it would be a far attempt… All because of the Prophecy.

Well, the straps finally break free, and she stumbles forward. Unfortunately, she immediately trips over the wood, and falls on the ground, “the impact forcing the breath from her body and sending a shaft of agony through her belly.” The child “kick[s] viciously”.

Ameld hears another Skraeling, this one closer. “For a few moments”, she can only scrabble about, trying to catch her breath and get up again. Then “[a] small burble of laughter” sounds some metres to her left. I have to say that Douglass is effective at this. Too bad I am not scheduled for Threshold…

Ameld manages to get to her feet, “[s]obbing with terror now”, thinking only about the need to get to the trees. Two paces later, there is a whisper right behind her, and she would have screamed, “except that her child kick[s] so suddenly and directly into her diaphragm that she [is] winded almost as badly as she [was] when she fell.” Renesmee, is that you?

Now there comes a whisper from in front of Ameld. The Skraeling actually speaks, saying “A pretty, pretty… a tasty, tasty.” I do wonder where they exactly learned to speak Ameld’s language, but whatever. We then get a look at the “wraith’s insubstantial face” (so they are wraiths? Good to know.). It has “silver orbs”, and “tooth-lined jaws” that “[hang] loose with desire.” Seeing this, Ameld finally “[finds] the breath to scream”, and she stumbles toward the right, “fighting through the snow, arms waving in a futile effort to fend the wraiths off.”

She knows that “she [is] almost certainly doomed”. We are told the Skraelings “[feed] off fear as much as they [feed] off flesh, and they [are] growing as her terror [grows].” Ooooh, that is a nice horror concept, and an easy way to get more nutrients from a prey. I think they are really cool, actually. If only Ameld would not have gotten into this situation… She can feel the strength drain out of her, and she says that they will “chase her, taunt her, drain her, until even fear [is] gone. Then they [will] feed off her body.”

The child “churn[s] in her belly” as she walks on, “as if intent on escaping the prison of her poor, doomed body.” Yes, I am quite certain this baby is not exactly usual. It flails around with “its fists and heels and elbows”, and every time it hears one of the whispers “through the amniotic fluid of its mother’s womb”, it does so harder. Um, it seems quite unlikely to me that the baby would be able to hear the whispers.

Ameld knows she is “all but doomed”, but she still keeps going on, grunting with each step, and “jerking every time her child beat[s] at the confines of her womb.” But now the baby is just as consumed by the “urge to escape” as Ameld.

And cut to the Skraelings, without any kind of transition. Ah, nice, another of Douglass’ issues. Let me issue a count for this, too:

Stick to a POV.

Not exactly very witty, but I am sure that will be fixed by the time I will be working on this book again. So:

Stick to a POV: 1

There are apparently five Skraelings, who are hanging back some paces, “enjoying the woman’s fear”, and they note the chase is going well. So they hunt in packs; good to know. Then Ameld “twist[s] and jerk[s] mid-step” and falls to the ground, “writhing and clutching at the heaving mound of her belly.” I do not want to know where this will lead, frankly. The Skraelings are surprised at this, quickly step out of the way, and “slow[] to circle the woman at a safe distance just out of arm’s reach.” Ameld screams, which is a sound of “such terror, wrenched from the very depths of her body”, that the Skraelings “moan[] in ecstasy.”

Ameld now turns to the nearest Skraeling, “extending a hand for mercy.” She whispers at them to please help her. I mean, she is probably doomed anyway, because of her child, so I can certainly see why she might prefer death by the Skraelings…

Well, the Skraelings have apparently “never been asked for help before”, so they begin “mill[ing] in confusion.” They assume that Ameld is “no longer afraid of them”, and wonder why that is, when “every flesh and blood creature [is] afraid of them”. They join their minds and wonder if “perhaps they should be afraid too.” Hmmm, I do like this bit here. I would wish that they would help Ameld in some way, of course, but simply getting this insight into them is also nice, especially given how absolutely horrible they will be treated for this trilogy and the next one.

Ameld convulses, “and the snow stain[s] bright red about her hips.” Just what I needed… The Skraelings are reassured by this, because they see that will die quicker than they expected. “Spontaneously. Without any help from their sharp pointed fangs.” They find it sad, but she “[will] still taste sweet.” They drift around for a bit, “watching, waiting, wanting”. After a few more minutes, Ameld “moan[s] once”, and then dies. *salutes her* May you have a better stay in the AfterLife, and may you eventually be reunited with the rest of your family. After all, as we will find out, the afterlife is quite literal in this setting. And there, the Prophecy can longer follow her. I would still wish that she would play a larger role in this series… but at least she has some kind of happy ending, so I can take some comfort in that.

Anyway. The Skraelings (who refer to themselves as “wraiths”), bob on the wind and consider. The chase had started well, Ameld “had feared well”, but “she ha[s] died strangely.” And so the most courageous of them drifts up to Ameld and looks at her for a second. The “coppery smell of warm blood” decides it, and so they reach down to open her tunic. It falls open, and the wraith is “so surprised [they] leap[] back to the safe circling distance of [their] comrades.” And well, what have they exactly found? It will not be pretty, let me say this. *closes eyes momentarily* Let us do this.

In the bloody mess that had once been the woman’s belly lay a child, glaring defiantly at them, hate steeping from every one of its bloodied pores.

It had eaten its way out.

*weakly* Well, this child has managed to escape indeed. I do wonder how she died, exactly… Did he cut through her aorta, or something? And, also, did we need this? Did we need to have the baby eat his way out of the womb? Gah, I feel faint just thinking about it.

Well, here comes another count:

Gratuitous Grimdark (adapted from MG’s sporkings, as it describes the same general issue)

Gratuitous Grimdark: 5

Also, as you might have deduced from the Prophecy, this is Gorgrael. And I also think that the Prophecy may provide an answer as to why he did this. After all, he is necessary for the Prophecy to take place, and him dying because Ameld died before she could give birth to him would just not work. And so this had to happen, to keep him available, which also means that the Prophecy made Gorgrael kill Ameld. Exactly what I would like to follow.

The Skraelings all coo at the sight, and the most courageous one drifts forwards again and picks up the child.

“It hates,” it whispered to the others. “Feel it?”

Ah yes, one of Douglass’ favourite turns of phrase: using “X hates” to mean “X is evil”. In this case, I am not even sure what or who Gorgrael hates, exactly, though he certainly has every reason to.

The other Skraelings come closer, “emotion close to affection misting their orbs.” This is actually sweet, in a way. Gorgrael turns his “tusked head” to glare at them. Ah, so Gorgrael does not look like a usual baby either. And I highly doubt that this comes because of his parents belonging to two different species(?); after all, neither have tusks. So, again, the only thing that makes sense to me is that this is because the Prophecy transformed him into this form. *shaking head* Really? This is the Prophecy we are supposed to want? I have only read the prologue and I already want it to be destroyed.

The Skraelings coo again and huddle over Gorgrael. “Without a word”, they make a “momentous decision”. They decide to take him home and feed him. “In time”, they will learn to love him. “And then, years into a future the wraiths could not yet discern, they would learn to worship it.” It will unfortunately be quite a while before we find out why they do this in the first place. But I do certainly like them adopting Gorgrael. They may not be the best parents, of course, but I would love to see more of this.

Anyway, they are now hungry “and good food [is] cooling to one side.” And so they dump Gorgrael in the snow while they go eat Ameld.

Now there is a heading: “Six weeks later…” And what happens then?

We open on another woman, who is struggling “through the snowdrifts of the lower reaches of the western Icescarp Alps.” She is separated by the length of the Alps from where Ameld was, and “still more by race and circumstance”. This woman falls over a rock hidden by the snow “and [tears] the last fingernail from her once soft, white hands as she scrabble[s] for purchase.” Great.

Gratuitous Grimdark: 6

She huddles against a rock and sucks on her finger, “moaning in frustration and almost crying through cold and sad-heartedness.” She has battled “[f]or a day and a night” to stay alive, ever since she has been dumped here. Poor Rivkah (that is what her name is). I do not know why we cannot have her name now.

This Is What the Mystery: 18

She says the mountains can kill “even the fittest man”, and she is quite weakened “by the terrible birth of her son two days before.” Great, more pregnancy-related awfulness. “[D]espit all her travail and prayers and curses” he has died during the birth, so “still and blue” that the midwives took him away, “not letting her hold him or weep over him.” If nothing else, Douglass is good at writing with emotional impact. Not that it is always what she intends, though.

Well, after that, two men came in, “their eyes cold and derisive, their mouths twisting with scorn.” I think this is a little over-the-top, honestly. They pulled her “weeping and bleeding from the room”, dragging her “from her life of comfort and deference”, dumped her into a cart and drove her to the bottom of the Icescarp Alps, not saying a word the entire time.

Finally they “tipped her out”. Rivkah thinks that they wanted her dead, “but neither had dared stain their hands with her blood.” Hmmm, I seem to recall this had something to do with the Prophecy… She says that this way would be better for them, when she can slowly die in the Alps, “prey to the Forbidden Ones which crouch[] among the rocks, prey to the cold and the ice, and with time to contemplate the shame of her illegitimate child… her dead illegitimate child.” Yes, I could see why an illegitimate child would bring problems, but I think there would be better ways to solve this than throwing Rivkah into the Alps. Also, poor Rivkah.

She says she was “determined not to die.” There is “one chance and one chance only”, and for that, she will have to climb high up. So that will probably be the mountain-dwelling people. “Barely out of girlhood and clad only in tatters”, she willed herself to succeed. “Barely out of girlhood” does not exactly make me happy, as according to Enchanter, she was probably sixteen (75% chance) when she got pregnant.

Her feet went to ice in the first hours, and now she can no longer feel them. Her toes have turned black. Her fingernails, that have all torn off, “[have] left gaping holes at the ends of her fingers that [have] iced over.” And now her fingers are turning black, too. And her lips are so dry and frozen “they [have] drawn back from her teeth and solidified into a ghastly rictus.”

Gratuitous Grimdark: 8 (do we need all this?)

Rivkah huddles against the rock. She started climbing “in hope and determination”, but now she realises that her situation is precarious. She has “stopped shivering hours ago”, which she recognises as a bad sign. That it is, indeed.

Now we cut, with an actual cut this time, to some kind of “creature”, who has been watching Rivkah for several hours. They are far up the slopes of the mountain, “peering down from its heights through eyes that [can] see a mouse burp at five leagues.” That seems quite over-the-top qua visual acuity to me, but whatever. Only the fact that Rivkah is below “his favorite day roost” makes him launch into the wind, “angered by the intrusion”. He says he would rather have spent the day “preening [himself] in what weak sun there is. It was a vain creature.”

He is from the same race as StarDrifter, by the way, so the narration is completely ridiculous. There is literally no reason for this, other than contrived mystery.

This Is What the Mystery: 19

Also note the inconsistency in pronouns. Douglass is trying to lie about what is happening, and it fits in terribly.

Anyway, back to Rivkah, as she notes him “circling far above her”. Not that he could be bothered to help her before now. She squints into the sun, “specks of exhaustion almost obscuring her sight.” She then recognises him as StarDrifter (he is not). So yes, StarDrifter is partially responsible for pulling her into this mess, and when we will hear the whole story, it will be quite bad indeed. Anyway, Rivkah finds some hope from this, and she slowly “lift[s] a blackened hand toward the sky.” The chapter ends as she asks if it is him.

Well, this was not the best first impression, though things did happen. Sadly, it will take a long time before the rest of the book will catch up. Anyway, I will see you again in chapter 1!

 

Comments

[epistler]

Certainly agreed on the effectiveness. By the way, in the aformentioned DarkGlass Trilogy, they will play a much more central role, including playing a role in the climax of the trilogy.

And they get completely retconned in the process, yes.

So wonderful that Douglass just had to have him stay around until the very end of the series...

Because of course her favourite character is an irredeemable piece of shit. All her favoured characters are huge pieces of shit. Rapists, wife beaters, murderers, torturers, child abusers, and generally arrogant assholes. These are her idea of heroes, apparently.