Eragon: Chapter Seventeen: Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle (Part I)

[pangolin20]

Chapter Sixteen (Part IV) | Chapter Seventeen (Part II)

Fumurti: A good day, everyone, and welcome back to Eragon! Last time, there was some more travel and we finally could see outside of Palancar Valley! Before we begin, let me do the reader post:

On part I of chapter 11, Tris notes that the water Eragon drinks should not be “bitter”, and that he should not be drinking it, because it might be contaminated. I guess Paolini didn’t think that through.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 28

Wolfgoddess points out that the title, “The Doom of Innocence”, is “very...edgy”. I fully agree with that.

Edgy Equals Mature, Right?: 4

She also notes that Eragon should probably be more thirsty than hungry, which is especially true since he’s lost a lot of blood.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 29

She further points out that Saphira might have found out about the spot where she hatched because she saw it from Eragon.

Ill Logic: 268

She also notes that it is dangerous for Eragon to push Saphira into going to a fight while she is still so angry, because that might cloud her judgment.

Finally, she points out that Eragon should vomit something up when he gets on Saphira, since he drank water just before.

PPP: 755

Chessy points out that, if Eragon’s fingers are cold when the air is warm, something is probably wrong with his circulation. I doubt that Paolini meant that, so…

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 30

She also notes that when Eragon is at the farm, Saphira does not seem to be allowed to react to the destruction of the farm or to Garrow’s condition. Indeed, she seems very… subdued there.

What Dragons?: 315

On part II of that chapter, Chessy notes that Saphira likely flew into a downdraft when she tried to take off with Garrow and Eragon. She has also written two fics: the first one and the second one.

Wolfgoddess points out that Eragon would probably not have the strength to throw an entire cupboard aside, “even with the benefit of adrenaline”. And he’s noted to be a lot weaker than normal, so…

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 31

She also notes that the splinters “piercing” Eragon’s hands might just mean that he gets wounds from them. That’s fair enough.

PPP: 754

She further notes, on it being said that “a fever has burned off any sweat”, that it does not make sense for Garrow to be sweating in the middle of the winter when he is just lying there. I’m also quite sure a fever doesn’t “burn off” sweat.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 32

On part IV of chapter 16, Epistler points out that if Brom’s story was correct, there should also be ruins of castles and such, but we don’t see anything of that. Good job backing the story up, then.

Anyway, let me begin with chapter 17, then!

Chapter Seventeen / Eighteen: Thunder Roar and Lightning Crackle

Hmm, the grammar of the title feels a little off to me. I think I would have gone with “Thunder and Lighting” myself, as that is simply good enough for this. And yes, we will be having a thunderstorm in this chapter, though not in this part yet.

We open on Eragon waking up on the 26^th of December. He avoids thinking about “any of the recent events”, because they are “too painful for him to consider”. Hmmm… I actually think I’d best let someone else try to say something about this. After how long last chapter dragged on, I just don’t have the heart for another chapter now. CN, could you take this over?

(CN comes in)

Corneille Noire: It is my pleasure! I do not mind being back a little earlier, either. Will you stay here, or do you want to leave altogether?

Fumurti: I think I’ll stay. Two people see more than one, after all.

Corneille Noire: (nods) Let me resume, then. I do like that Eragon can apparently decide to just not think about any of the “recent events”. That is a quite impressive level of self-control there! I would also like to know which “recent events” he exactly means. I guess it is meant to be the destruction of the farm and Garrow’s death… but it might refer to Brom beating him up, for all we know.

I also think this is not exactly a healthy way to deal with these awful experiences.

Fumurti: It is the way grief and the like are generally dealt with in this series. Don’t talk about it with others, don’t acknowledge it beyond token instances, just keep going. And when it does appear, please channel it into revenge, because that’s good!

Corneille Noire: Indeed. And Eragon decides to devote his energy to “figuring out” how he can “find and kill the Ra’zac”. He decides he will do it “with [his] bow” and imagines the Ra’zac with “arrows sticking out of them”.

Hmmm, generally I would not mind this per se. It gives him something to do, after all, something that keeps his mind off the loss of Garrow and his life in Palancar Valley. Further, they have murdered Garrow, which he might rightly be angry about, and he may think that by killing the Ra’zac he can prevent them from hurting anyone else.

I would still not approve, and I would hope he learns that lethal force is not the only solution, but I could understand it. Here, the situation is a little different. After all, Eragon has heard that “[p]erhaps they are the last of a dying race” from Brom. That means that, if he kills them, he will effectively commit genocide. And yet he thinks nothing of it. He might be ignoring it because that gets in the way of what he wants, but I still do not like it.

Fumurti: Of course, nothing is made of this, and I’m quite sure we’re supposed to agree with him here.

FYRP: 48

Corneille Noire: Have I already mentioned I hate the handling of the Ra’zac in this book? Because I do. I also wonder how Eragon thinks he can do this. The Ra’zac would probably be at least prepared for the possibility of Eragon coming after them and Saphira even said to him that they might want that. Further, Brom told him that the Ra’zac are “stronger than any man and can jump incredible heights”, so why could they not avoid his arrows? This is a revenge fantasy, not “figuring things out” in any way.

Either way, we cut to Eragon trying to get up, which goes with much difficulty. “His muscles cramped with the slightest movement, and one of his fingers was hot and swollen”.

Fumurti: That finger twisted during the fighting, by the way, says the self-published edition. I don’t know right now how that could have happened, and I frankly don’t care, either.

Corneille Noire: So this is the result of Brom’s “training”. And we are still supposed to trust him? I just cannot understand that. Either way, they prepare to leave, Eragon gets on Cadoc and he says that if it “keeps up”, Brom will “batter him to pieces”.

Fumurti: Which is quite right. Come to think of it, if Eragon’s getting constantly hurt, he won’t get much better at fighting, either.

Ill Logic: 269

Brom, you’re a complete idiot.

Corneille Noire: Brom’s reaction is this: “I wouldn’t push you so hard if I didn’t think you were strong enough.”

1) You do not know that he is strong enough, and yet you see fit to do so? That is very irresponsible, and that is how you get people killed.

2) Yes, he may be strong enough to do it, but that does not mean that it is a good idea! He should not be living in constant pain just because he can “bear it”!

3) And good to see that Brom phrases it as something that he is doing for Eragon’s “own good”, and that Eragon can bear it just fine, even though he may not realise it. I hate Brom so much!

For the Good of the Cause: 14

Well, Eragon “mutter[s]” that he would rather be thought less of.

Fumurti: In the self-published edition, he “grumbles” this, so it seems as if his protest has been weakened between editions.

Corneille Noire: Because of course it has. Well, we cut over to Saphira approaching, which makes Cadoc “prance[] nervously”. Naturally, Eragon has no trouble at all with that manoeuvre, never mind that he has only learned to ride in the past few days. I thought not.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 33

Snowfire does not seem to react to this at all, for some reason. Saphira looks at Cadoc with “something close to disgust”. She says that she cannot hide on the plains, so she will not bother to “stay out of sight” and will just “fly above [them] from now on”. Well, that is not something I can find much fault with, especially given the explanation the Fumurti gave earlier. I do wonder why she looks at Cadoc like that…

Oh, is it because she is angry that Eragon rides Cadoc instead of her? That makes sense! Still, what is the trouble in saying this to him? Do you truly think he will be more likely to do so because you glare at Cadoc? This will only lead to more trouble further on, I know.

Just Break Up Already: 250

Everyone ignores this, Saphira takes off, and the rest begins to descend to the plains. The trail often disappears, and at times, they need to dismount and lead the horses walking, “holding on to trees to keep from falling down the slope”. There are also loose rocks, which makes walking dangerous. In short, it is an “ordeal”.

Fumurti: Yeah, this is absolutely not the route the traders take! Maybe some trappers do, but if the traders did so, there would be a definite and passable trail. Not that they will ever think about this, because this is clearly the right trail!

Ill Logic: 270

Corneille Noire: For myself, I just love how very summarised this is. Yes, I would not want to read all about this descent, but it just feels so very flat and dull. Either way, they reach the bottom “near midday” and then stop to rest. Hmmm, the Ra’zac did show sense in choosing this path, come to think of it, as they would not be held up by others, and there would be a chance Eragon and Brom could lose their trail in this relatively rough environment. At least, they did choose the rougher path for a reason.

Fumurti: We get some description of their surroundings. The Anora River flows to their left and “flow[s] northward”. There’s a “biting wind” on the plains, the soil is “parched” and “dirt [flies] into their eyes”.

Corneille Noire: Because they have no eyelashes, do not blink, and cannot think of shielding their eyes! Or they deliberately hold their eyes open to let dirt fly in. Like, if the dirt actually got into their eyes, that would hurt quite a bit, and their eyelashes should keep most of it out either way! Why are they getting dirt in their eyes??

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 34

Fumurti: I have no idea, and I highly doubt Paolini had any idea what he was implying when he wrote this. I also see another problem with this, which will persist throughout this part… Let me post something:

This is an excerpt from the map that shows the area we’re in now. Yes, the Anora curves to their left, but, since north is up, it goes northeast, not north. If it went north, it would intersect itself in Carvahall!

PPP: 755

Can’t you look at your own map, Paolini!?

Corneille Noire: That is indeed something that should have been quite easy to fix. Now we get a nice character moment for Eragon. He gets “unnerved” at how flat the plains are, as they are “unbroken by hummocks or mounds”. He has lived his entire life in the mountains, and without them he feels “exposed and vulnerable”, “like a mouse under an eagle’s keen eye”.

Fumurti: In the self-published edition, Eragon also says that Saphira is a “black speck” and the only thing he can see in the sky.

Corneille Noire: Either way, I like this. It might have been less of Eragon telling us how he feels, but it is still something I can see him feel and… well, he is feeling something at all. He is uncomfortable on the plains and I just like how that fits with his background.

Fumurti: Oh, I certainly agree. I do want to complain about that simile, since Eragon is barely a “mouse”. He is very large as Alagaësian fauna goes, so he would better compare himself to a rabbit or the like.

Like Coins Bounced off a Drum: 3

And the next paragraph suddenly talks about how the trail splits when it reaches the plains. Alright then.

Corneille Noire: Um, were we not just told that the trail is quite nonexistent? I guess that confirms that there is another trail, then. It splits in three branches. The first “turn[s] north, toward Ceunon, one of the greatest northern cities”, the second goes right across the plains, and the last one goes south. How does Eragon know about Ceunon? I assume Brom tells him?

Also, looking at the map… I guess that “straight across the plains” would be southeast, toward Yazuac. Then the southern branch leads just past the Ninor River and connects with the Toark River eventually. Ah, I presume it connects with the road to Teirm there. Let me show you:

Fumurti: A thing I note is that the self-published edition only uses commas, while the Knopf edition uses semicolons to separate the items of the list.

Corneille Noire: They carefully examine the three branches for “traces of the Ra’zac” and finally find their tracks, going “directly into the grasslands”! Um, “grasslands”? Are they called that because the branch eventually leads to a region of the plains where there is grass? Or has Paolini forgotten that this bit of the plains does not have grass (since there is dirt flying around)? What is this mess?

PPP: 756

Fumurti: Yeah, it really is quite poorly written. The self-published edition also notes they found their “footprints”, because apparently Paolini forgot that he wrote the Ra’zac getting horses just last chapter.

Corneille Noire: At least that error was fixed. Anyway, Brom gets “perplexed” and says the Ra’zac have gone to Yazuac. That seems like the most direct way to the heart of the Empire to me, but what do I know? Eragon asks where that is, and Brom replies with this:

“Due east and four days away, if all goes well. It’s a small village situated by the Ninor River.”

(rests head in hands for a little while and then looks up again) Here we have Brom’s vision:

The tiny yellow dot indicates Yazuac’s location, as Brom says. That would mean it lies very close to Du Weldenvarden, and notably nowhere near the Ninor River. In fact, it would lie further from the river than Brom and Eragon are at their current position.

Paolini, have you bothered to look at your map? Yes, it might not have been finished in the self-published edition (I do not know yet), but the Knopf edition certainly has this one, and yet no one bothered to fix this. How is this so hard to see??

PPP: 757

Then Brom gestures at the Anora, which is again noted to flow to the north.

PPP: 758

Two obvious errors in one paragraph. What a treat!

Fumurti: Well, at least Paolini gets the travel times correct; it will indeed take them near exactly four days to reach Yazuac.

Corneille Noire: Come to think of it… are these travel times achievable? Using the method I used here, the distance is 20 miles, or 32,2 kilometres. Then they are travelling at 5 miles or about 8 kilometres per day. That is certainly achievable, though quite slow. Then again, given Eragon’s condition (glares at Brom) and his inexperience at horse riding, I can see it.

Brom turns out to point at the Anora to say that it is their “only supply of water”, so they will have to get some before they try to cross the plains. There is not “another pool or stream between here and Yazuac”, after all.

Fumurti: Never mind that, in the self-published edition, Saphira told him this same thing the day before, and Eragon already thought that they might have trouble crossing the plains. We don’t need to be told the same thing twice!

Corneille Noire: Well, at least the Knopf edition fixed that. I still do not believe that there are “no pools or streams” between the Anora and the Ninor River. Are there no tributaries of the Anora here, and are there none of the Ninor before Yazuac? Is there no pool further toward Yazuac, where there is grass? I do not believe that there is nothing.

It’s Like We’re Smart But We’re Not: 35

Fumurti: The self-published edition now has an extra scene. Eragon asks how Brom knows the Ra’zac actually went to Yazuac. Brom “point[s] out” that their tracks lead in that direction.

Corneille Noire: And that means they cannot have left tracks in that direction as a misdirection why? They could break from the road after a kilometre, and then go to the southern branch, and you would not be able to tell from here.

Fumurti: Eragon concedes what Brom says, and then makes your point! He specifically says there is “so much open space”, which I really like, since he would not be used to that in the mountains. He says it will be “nearly impossible” to know it for certain, as the tracks of the Ra’zac are very eroded.

Corneille Noire: Yes, indeed! Now, tell me how Brom shoots this down.

Fumurti: Let me just quote the entire thing:

“It’s unlikely that the Ra’zac would leave this particular trail,” said Brom. “If they did, they’d need a caravan of supplies to forge across the prairie. Remember, inhuman though they are, the Ra’zac still need water as much as you or I. I’m sure that they’re in Yazuac even as we speak.”

Corneille Noire: (shakes head) That is an impressive failure.

1) Why is “this particular” trail so inhospitable? Would the trail that goes south not have the same problems, since it goes straight south and across the plains, too?

2) Why would they need “a caravan of supplies” to get across the prairie when they leave the trail but not on it? Yes, this trail is the most direct route to the Ninor, but looking at the map, they might as well skirt the Ninor and head straight to Daret, which would still give them water.

3) They do not need “a caravan of supplies”, because they already have their horses! If they would really need water so desperately, they could drink the horses’ blood, since that is mostly water! The horses could also provide food, and they would not be exactly slowed without their horses, I think. After all, Brom will note them to “tire much more slowly than [humans] do”.

4) “Prairie”? It is not a problem, of course, but I suppose it is a nice reminder that this is based on North America instead of Europe.

5) Why are you so sure they must have gone across the prairie if they left the path? Why would they not go toward the Spine or toward Du Weldenvarden or any other direction? It simply does not follow that they must have gone across the prairie.

6) How do you know that the Ra’zac need “water as much as humans”? Water needs simply change from species to species, and there is no reason that the Ra’zac would have the exact same water needs as humans! They are arthropods, after all. Also, why does Brom say “remember” to Eragon when he never told this to him before?

7) So, in conclusion, this is all stupid and ridiculous. Yes, the Ra’zac will still be in Yazuac, but that is probably because they have a quite large lead and can thus afford to take the most direct route.

I am quite sure Paolini just threw in the first arguments he could think of why the Ra’zac would not deviate from their route and did not think any further about it.

Fumurti: Because author forbid the story diverges from the ~precious plot~. Well, Eragon “nod[s] with understanding” at this, and the scene ends. It’s for the best this was cut.

Corneille Noire: That it is… Eragon begins to feel “the excitement of the hunt”. That still reflects very poorly on Eragon.

Morals for Thee But Not for Me: 9

Fumurti: In the self-published edition, he thinks “Revenge!” here. After all, it’s perfectly reasonable to maybe commit genocide in the name of revenge, right? I still hate this.

Corneille Noire: And I would like to note that he still does not seem to care about stopping the Ra’zac from harming others. He thinks that, “[in] a few days, maybe less than a week”, he will shoot the Ra’zac to death. Because you will absolutely manage to catch up with the Ra’zac so fast. And then…

Fumurti: And then Eragon doesn’t bother to think about “what might happen afterward”. No thoughts of going back to Carvahall or anything; he just doesn’t bother to think about it, because surely it is not important.

Corneille Noire: In the Knopf edition, he “refuse[s] to think” about it, which I think is quite a bit better. Here, Eragon seems to be so busy with his revenge that he does not want to think of anything outside of it, which is better than him simply not bothering to think about things. Still, I do wonder why he does not want to think about anything that will happen after he gets revenge. Does he not want to go back home, then? It just feels a little weird to me.

Fumurti: That would be more fitting if his situation was supposed to be more tragic, like Carvahall was gone, but it’s not, so why shouldn’t he make plans for what he will do after that?

Corneille Noire: We cut to something else. They fill their waterskins, let the horses drink, and drink as much as they can themselves. Saphira joins them and drinks some herself. Then why did she have to stay in the air until now?

Come to think of it, why does she even need to hide on the plains? There is no one around here to see her, so…

Ill Logic: 271

What Dragons?: 316

They then turn “eastward” and set out across the plains.

Fumurti: Finally! They still won’t be going to the east, though.

PPP: 758

What would have been the bother in fixing this when the Knopf edition was made, again?

Corneille Noire: There is a scene break, and we pick up later. Eragon decides that the wind will “[drive] him crazy first”.

Fumurti: Please not! I don’t want to have to handle one of Paolini’s “lolmad” characters so fast already!

Corneille Noire: Ah, but with Eragon it would probably be all “tragic”. Either way, the wind causes him “chapped lips, parched tongue, and burning eyes”, which makes him miserable. The wind keeps up during the day, and evening “only strengthen[s] the wind, instead of subduing it”.

Fumurti: Or “halting it”, according to the self-published edition. Because apparently the evening is known for weakening wind?

Corneille Noire: To be fair, a casual search tells me that wind often does die down in the evening, at least when it is caused by temperature differences. If this wind does keep going, it is probably caused by a storm.

Fumurti: Oooh, I didn’t know that! I do wonder why they don’t think constant, hard wind can be caused by a storm… Presumably it’s so Paolini won’t spoil what will happen in this chapter, but he already did in the title, so…

Corneille Noire: Anyway, there is no shelter on the plains, so “they [are] forced to camp in the open”. Yes, I think we already understood that.

Fumurti: I get the feeling, though I can’t really substantiate it, that Paolini really likes to use the word “forced”. Well, no matter. Eragon finds some “scrub brush”, which is noted to be “a short tough plant that thrive[s] on harsh conditions” and tries to make a fire with it.

Corneille Noire: “Scrub brush”? Is the plant actually called that? That is a quite bad name, frankly.

A Better Commando Name: 15

Fumurti: Yeah, “scrub grass” or something would have fit better. Well, Eragon makes a pile and tries to light it, but it only gives off smoke and a “pungent smell”. In the self-published edition, he tries again, with the same results.

Corneille Noire: The Knopf edition has him become “frustrated” after the first time, and he throws the “tinderbox” to Brom. Oh, that is the tinderbox he had in chapter 6, then! And… looking back, I see that Eragon talked about “a tinderbox” three times in that chapter, because he apparently could not understand that Brom used the same one every time.

PPP: 760 (+2)

Then we get this:

“I can’t make it burn, especially with this blasted wind. See if you can get it going: otherwise dinner will be cold.”

Fumurti: I have this:

“I can’t make it burn, especially with this damned wind. See if you can get it going, otherwise dinner will be cold.”

So Eragon is not allowed to say “damned” any more? Really now.

Corneille Noire: But Sloan is allowed to say that in chapter 2 of this book, and someone in Eldest is allowed to used “thrice-damned”. Consistency, what is that?

Fumurti: I also think the second sentence was just fine in the original. Replacing the comma with a colon only makes it harder to read. Either way, this is mostly a quite clumsy setup for some “foreshadowing”.

Brom fiddles with the scrub brush a bit and tries to light it, with only smoke as a result. He tries again, with no results. Then… we get the foreshadowing:

“Brisingr!” he swore angrily, striking the flint again. Flames suddenly appeared, and he stepped back with a pleased expression. “There we go. It must have been smoldering inside.”

Corneille Noire: The Knopf edition de-italicises “Brisingr” and solves the biggest problem with this in the self-published edition. After all, we have seen that every term in the ancient language is italicised (that is why “Zar’roc” is italicised, after all), and when Durza uses magic in the prologue, that is also italicised, so the natural conclusion is that Brom is using magic.

The Knopf edition is not free of problems, either. Why does Eragon assume that “Brisingr” is a curse, for example? It does not make much sense.

Forgot the Narrator: 38

Fumurti: It’s just an obvious attempt to make it seem like Brom isn’t using magic… but it fails because this simply isn’t plausible. I don’t know if I’d call it a Dead Herring per se… but, to keep with the analogy, it’s a Red Pike rather than a Red Herring.

Corneille Noire: Hmm, not a bad term. Also, there is another reason this fails: we have already seen Brom use magic, in chapter 14, when he let his smoke rings “dart around and change colour”. We know he is a magician and Eragon should know that too! Why do we need this “foreshadowing” when we know this already?!

Fumurti: He’d best have cut the earlier bit, especially given how ridiculously stupid it was. And, of course, Brom is willing to risk detection to light a fire now.

Ill Logic: 272

It’s not a bad scene in itself, but the context completely ruins it.

In the self-published edition, Eragon simply shrugs and gets some pans. In both editions, they spar with “mock swords” while the food cooks.

Corneille Noire: We already know that they spar like that. There is no point in repeating it. Well, they are both tired, so they keep it short. Once they have eaten, they go to sleep in Saphira’s wake, “grateful for her shelter”. And that is all that Saphira go to do once they set out: be protection against the wind. (makes wanking motion)

What Dragons?: 317

Fumurti: I wish I could do that. Well, the next day, the 27^th of December, the wind is still blowing, “sweeping over the dreadful flatness”. At least Eragon’s consistent in that?

Corneille Noire: That he is. Eragon’s lips have “cracked” in the night, and whenever he talks or smiles, “beads of blood” appear on them. It only gets worse when he licks them. Well, at least Paolini got this right. Maybe Eragon could use some fat to make it less bad?

Fumurti: Brom has the same, to which I say “serves him right”. They let the horses drink “sparingly” from the water supply before they mount them. Saphira is not mentioned at all, which is still very rude.

What Dragons?: 318

Corneille Noire: The day apparently is a “monotonous trek of endless plodding”. That is fine, but I do not think reading about it should feel the same way. That is a good way to lose your readers, after all, and it is just so very boring.

Fumurti: Either way, the section ends here, and I think that is enough for now. We’re halfway through, after all.

Corneille Noire: That is no problem at all! Do you mean to stay for the next part?

Fumurti: I think I will, though I’ll try not to take over too much. :p

Corneille Noire: (nods) Until next time, then, as we will have the storm mentioned in the title. See you then!